9/30/2013 - "Good food," guns, and armed kids!

     Jim Croce advises us in his classic song You don't mess around with Jim that we shouldn't, "tug on Superman's cape" or "pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger". These two are classic examples of actions no sane person should undertake. After the events of last Thursday, however, maybe we should add a verse to that song that includes not eating Anthony Smalls's "good food".

     Apparently, all Anthony G. Smalls, 54, of Gainesville, wanted to do was have something good to eat. However, sometime before 9:20PM on the night of the 26th, Smalls opened up his pantry, only to find it, if not bare, at least missing a few items. Going up to his 21 year old son's room, Smalls began to yell at his son for eating his food.

     There are no details on exactly how long the argument between father and son lasted, but at some point Smalls left the room, only to return with a 6 inch kitchen knife. According to the police, Smalls then proceeded to threaten his son, saying that he would stab the young man if he ate, "anymore of his good food,". The argument between the two men must have continued on for some time, as the Alachua County Sheriff's Office arrived at the house just before midnight and arrested Smalls.

     This isn't Smalls' first run in with the law. Smalls has a somewhat substantial criminal  record, including counts of battery and petty theft. Smalls was booked into the Alachua County jail, under a $5,000 bond.


Other news in brief:

Boy, 9, brings gun, bullets, knife to Elementary School - Maybe they should add  a verse about this kid as well.

Pot smoking man shoots self in abdomen at Callaway McDonalds - "Yeah, this thing is cocked and ready to go, I bet I can uncock it and put it in my waist band all at the same time." (facepalm)

Nephew wants TV; uncle doesn't want him to have it; nephew reacts badly - No one gets between this man and his shows. I mean, Downton Abbey isn't going to watch itself.

9/25/2013 - Bad Grandmas, wanna be Samurai, unusual storage locations and more!

     Grandmothers are stereotypically nice to their grandchildren.  However, Bill Cosby once told his children that they shouldn't be fooled by their grandmother's niceness. According to him, his mother was only acting nice now, because she was simply an old person who was trying to get into heaven. One grandmother took her efforts to be nice to her grandchild a bit to far recently when she allegedly threatened one of the witnesses that saw her grandson shoot another man.

    According a witness, the 31 year old grandson of Winter Haven woman Deborah Mobley Thompson, Kelvin Lewis Key-Herrington, shot someone on the morning of September 21st, fleeing the scene before officers arrived. Thompson then allegedly approached the witness shortly after the incident and threatened to assault him if her grandson was identified as the shooter.

     While the grandson is still at large, police arrested Thompson and charged her with obstruction of justice and tampering in a felony capital proceeding. She was booked into the Polk County Jail, where she is held without bond.


Other news in brief:

Man arrested after brandishing Samurai sword admits 'acting stupid' - To quote my wife, "What's with all the wanna be samurai's around here?"

Shooting halts vigil for shooting victim - I couldn't help but laugh at this for a second and then feel bad for laughing and sad for all those involved.

Woman has 'crack pipe' hidden in strange place - I'll let you guess where it was.

Only in Florida 9/23/2013

     No one knows for sure what kind of legacy they will have after they are gone. Millions have been spent by those who either want to whitewash the actions of the past, or to try to make up for ones that were never done. One Green Cove Springs man left an unexpected legacy that was uncovered only yesterday.

     The property of the unnamed man had fallen into foreclosure after his death, and whoever now owned the land was trying to clean it up, presumably in an effort to sell it. However, work stopped not long after cleaners opened a semi truck trailor that had been converted into a shed. While they sifted through the contents, the cleaners came across what appeared to be some relatively ancient looking explosives and some explosive devices
   
     Police seized the explosives, and started asking the neighbors if they knew anything about the former owner of the property. All that could be gathered from neighbors was that the man had been deceased for quite some time, and before his death, the former owner liked to peruse local army surplus shops. In the trailer, officers found construction explosives they estimated to be about 50 years old, as well as some rocket powered line throwers from World War II. These devices were used to pass lines between boats or across gaps to big to get across any other way.


Other news in brief:

Florida woman on meth decapitated rabbit as horrified children watched - They say there is nothing like a mothers love... (roll eyes)

One-armed homeless man accused of pawning chainsaw - It was the one armed man, I swear!

Woman accused of car incident, hiding cocaine in her privates - Well, she had to store it somewhere.

   

Only in Florida 9/12/2013

     Chances are, at some point in your life, your family has driven you almost crazy over something. It could have been due to almost anything, politics, religion, sports or even which nightly news program to watch. However, no matter how bad it gets, you should never do like Wendel Gene Seaman is alleged to have done and attach the offending member of your family with a machete.

     Responding to a call they received on Sunday, September 7th, officers with the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office found Lloyd Seaman, father of Wendel Gene Seaman, with a cut across the back of his neck. Interviewing the father, officers determined that while he was looking inside his refrigerator the younger Seaman attacked his father from behind with a machete, slicing him across the back of his neck. Seaman then allegedly tried to tie up his father with duck tape. However, the father managed to escape and ran outside. The the younger Seaman still had the machete and was threatening to kill his father before he was stopped by his uncle.

     Before he could be questioned by local officers, the younger Seaman ran back into the house, grabbed a rifle and fled the scene. However, seaman was apprehended by the Highway Patrol the next day outside of Monticello in Jefferson county. Seaman faces charges of attempted felony murder, grand theft motor vehicle and grand theft firearm.


Other news in brief:

Request leads brothers to engage in 'mutual combat' - At least it wasn't mortal combat.

Man robbed same bank 3 times, Apopka police say - Third time's the charm I guess?

Crestview man hisses at girls, exposes himself - Again, the old saying holds true, cocaine is a heck of a drug.

Only in Florida 9/9/2013

     Rat infestations have been a problem for mankind for almost as long as we can remember. From acting as a carrier for the black plague, to swarming in like a flood to destroy crops, or just eating holes in everything around our homes, rats have caused problems all over the world. With all this in mind, being trapped in a rat infested jail is one of the worst things I can think of.

     Rat problems in the Miami-Dade County Jail have taken a turn for the worse recently. While the older building has always had issues, things came to a head when inmate Everette Slocum reported to the jail medical staff that he had been bitten by one of the rats while he slept. A rat biting a person is usually not that huge a deal  these days. However, the location of Slocum's bite is. As he slept, a rat crept up onto Slocum's cot, and proceeded to bite him in his testicles. “Blood was everywhere,” Slocum wrote in a complaint to the jailers. “I don’t feel right sleeping in this jail no more,” he continued. “Because it’s rats everywhere and no one is doing nothing to help.”

     Fortunately Slocum made a full recovery, but the rat infestation isn't the only issue with the jail. Several inmates have recently died when they fell ill in the jail. The Department of Justice found that conditions at several of the county’s jails pose a serious health risk to those they keep incarcerated. Management at those jails have vowed to improve, at least while they are under the watchful eye of federal overseers.


More news in brief:

Drunk man tried to get in truck, left takeout on floorboards - At least he left the owners some thing for their trouble?

Police say man threw fan at teen for not looking enough like him - Got to love family.

Naked man collapses, dies in neighborhood rampage - Ahh, good old cocaine, what a drug.

Only in Florida 8/21/2013

       Stuffing a purloined item down your pants to hide detection is nothing new. People have be caught trying to get away with all kinds of things by showing their desired item down their pants when they think no one is looking. An Orlando man is being sought after he used this method to procure something a bit more lively than a CD or a DVD. The currently unknown man is wanted for walking out of a pet store with a pair of puppies shoved down his pants.

     The unknown man can be seen on security camera footage entering the pet store with another man, a woman, and a small toddler. Using the woman and the toddler, as well as the large crowd in the store, as distractions, the puppy thief, relied on the other man to serve as his lookout. While no one was looking, the man stuffed a pug puppy, valued at $800, down the front of his pants, walked out of the store, and stowed it in their getaway car. Perhaps feeling emboldened by his success, the man reentered the store and managed to stuff a miniature dachshund down his pants and walk away again.

     The man and his accomplices were all set to go for the trifecta when the owner of the establishment unwittingly scared off the puppy snatchers. At the time of the theft, the owner was unaware of what had been happening. Only later did he discover the missing puppies. Currently the police have received some tips, but no one has been arrested yet.


Other news in brief:

'It's (breast) time, I'll take everything off,' in Fort Pierce! - I think she may have had a little bit too much liquid courage.

Newlywed accused of choking wife in bathtub, report says - Ah, young love.

Woman yanked out, kept victim's hair, police say - Sometimes you need to have something to mark your accomplishments.

Only in Forida 8/20/2013

     The phrase things, "got a little carried away"  is often used when normal expectations for a situation are exceeded. Your spouse gets a little carried away with the yard work and cuts down your favorite plant. Your kids get a little carried away with their finger paints and end up covering each other head to toe with a mix of colors that would make any tie-dye loving hippy proud. However, a Greenacres man made what can only be called the understatement of the year when, being interviewed by police about the murder of his roommate, told officers that, “things just got a little carried away today”.

     Scott Tobiassen was described by his victim, Gerard Longo, as a violent man who bragged about just how “bad” he was. Unfortunately for Longo, he found out just how violent Tobiassen could be when they got into a fight just after Tobiassen lost his job for not passing a drug test. During the fight, Tobiassen struck Longo with a black metal pipe and stabbed him with a knife.

     Dragging Longo's body to the shower, Tobiassen called longtime friend Alexandra Peirce and invited her over. Showing her the body, Peirce first thought they were playing a practical joke on her. The reality of the situation set in quick as, according to Peirce, Tobiassen asked her, “Can you believe I did this? He deserved it".

     Tobiassen then tried to blackmail Peirce into keeping quiet, telling her, “What I did was murder and now that you know about it you are an accomplice”. Peirce, however, did call the police and led them to the apartment. Upon their arrival, police found what they described as a "gruesome discovery".

     Tobiassen had told Peirce that he was going to hide Longo's body, but what he didn't tell her was how he planned to do it. When officers arrived at the apartment, they found that Tobiassen had dismembered Longo's corpse, hiding Longo’s legs in trash bags. Tobiassen had also cut off Longo's arms, head, and hands, placed them in one tote bag, and placed the torso down to the kneecaps in another. Tobiassen was arrested and is being held without bail, charged with murder.

   
Other news in brief:

Mom leaves baby with man she just met on Facebook, then goes shopping at Boynton Beach Walmart, cops say - Shoot, if I knew it was as easy as finding some random person on Facebook to baby sit my daughter, I would have done it ages ago.  (roll eyes and shake head)

Mother-in-law hit, threatened son's wife because of no grandchildren - Don't you wish you had a mother in law like this?

Man armed with cardboard gun steals $14 in coins, Ocala police say - Well, he was inventive I guess.

Only in Florida 8/15/2013

     If you wish to see someone get angry very quickly, find a person who is in a rush and force them to wait in a line. There is almost nothing that can raise tempers faster. Recently, two Florida people learned the hard way that sometimes it is better to just patiently wait your turn.

     On the morning of August 7th, Mohammad Abukhder  was sitting in his car in the drive-thru of a Riverview, FL McDonalds. While he was waiting, Rebecca Simmons, of Tampa, forced her way into the line in front of Abukhder. Rightfully angry, Abukhder fumed behind his wheel until he couldn't take any more, and that is where things all went down hill.

     Abukhder started to yell and curse out of his window at Simmons. Simmons, who apparently wasn't in the mood to take the dressing down she so rightly deserved, got out of her car, pulled out a knife, and proceeded to stab through the hood of Abukhder's car.

     It is here that Abukhder made his second mistake. To keep Simmons from fleeing the scene, Abukhder stepped out of his car, approached Simmons's car, and tried to take the keys out of her ignition. Simmons wasn't too far behind Abukhder. And when Simmons saw what he was trying to do, she took the same knife she had just used to stab through Abukhder's hood, and stabbed him in the right buttock. Fortunately for Abukhder his wound didn't require medical attention.

     Simmons was arrested and was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief with property damage.


Other news in brief:

Wellington man says ‘devil’ made him assault girl - Uh huh, sure he did.

Man says girlfriend got drunk, struck him with yard reflector - Maybe she wanted to make him see the light?

Woman arrested after threatening to 'blow up' Gulf Power - Ah terrorism, there is a bill negotiating tactic I never would have thought of.

Only in Florida 8/14/2013

     No matter how perfect you may think a persons body is, chances are there is something about it they don't like. Maybe they think they are too short, or maybe too tall. One of the big worries in our culture is about how much we weigh. And while we do have an obesity epidemic, we also have a fairly large number of people who struggle with bulimia and anorexia. Thanks to some of the wonders of medical technology, some issues that people have with their bodies can be managed or reversed. However, these procedures can often be expensive. One woman in Pensacola took to the streets in a novel way to try and raise money for her operation of choice: a boob job.

     Christina Andrews took her homemade sign to a busy intersection on Thursday, August 8th. "I just want bigger boobs, because I'm not happy with the ones that I have. And I figured this was a good way to do it. People put out signs that they're homeless. I'm not, haha, so I'm just being honest," said Andrews. At least she does get some credit for being honest I guess.

    Public reaction was mixed however. One flabbergasted man, who apparently thought that Andrews was only wearing the sign up top said, "I hope she don't drop that sign". Another man who was interviewed said that Andrews and her sign was one of, "the most uncommon" signs he had seen for raising money.

     Andrews reported that the reactions she got were more positive than expected. "I thought people would just laugh and keep riding, but they're like hey here's some money," Andrews said. "Gotten a lot of smiles out of people too!"


Other stories in brief:

Officers say man threatened to kill their families if he went to jail - Yeah, that'll work.

Mom, son and daughter hurt in drunken brawl, police say - At least they kept it in the family.

Asked to leave gathering, Boca Raton man strikes person with shovel, stomps on head, police say - "You'll like me, even if I have to beat it into you!"

Only in Florida 8/13/2013

     Social media is being used more and more to broadcast the big moments in our lives. These days, it's normal to announce your engagement on Twitter, or your child's birth on Facebook. However, there are some things that still should not be broadcast to the world at large. A man from Miami provided and example of what not to share when he shot and killed his wife, then posted pictures of her body on Facebook.

     Thirty-one year old Derek Medina, of Miami posted the pictures of his wife's corpse shortly after 11 AM, Thursday, August 8th. Along with the pictures he also posted in a message to his friends, "Im going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news".

     In an apparent attempt to provide a reason for his actions, Medina also wrote, "My wife was punching me and I am not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did I hope u understand me". All of this was followed with, "Rip Jennifer Alfonso", which was his wife's name.

     The couple had a far from perfect marriage, Medina and his wife had divorced and remarried in the span of three months last year, after only being together for a couple of years. According to the neighbors, the murder came as a complete shock. None of the neighbors felt that Medina was a violent man, at most, they just saw him as being a little odd.

     A neighbor of Medina's, 33-year-old Yoshi Dade, said Medina had approached him while he was working out at the apartment complex over a year ago. Dade said Medina told him he was part of the neighborhood watch and that he had a concealed weapons permit, claims that officials haven't been able to verify. "He would walk around here and kinda patrol the area. He was always telling me there was a lot of stuff going on around here," Dade said. While he thought the incident was strange, Dade only saw Medina a few times after that. Other neighbors only said that Medina was a very quiet person who would never say hello.

     Medina was also a budding blogger and self published author. However, some of the titles of his books are a bit unusual to say the least. The title of one of his books is, "World Just Ask Yourself Why We Are Living a Life Full of Lies and How I an Emotional Writer Made All of My Professional Dreams Come True Blocking Society's Teachings", is one such example. Another of his books is, looking back, ironically titled, "How I Saved Someone's Life and Marriage and Family Problems Thru Communication". On his blog, Medina has a story on his blog about  how he fought off a "demon ghost" that was trying to attack his wife. A story which surely must somehow tie into his book called, "Humans Who Are Gifted and Can See The Supernatural Spirit Ghost World We Live in Called Ghost Haunted Adventures".

     Fortunately, Medina saved the police a manhunt. He turned himself in to police a few hours after he made the posts. Medina has been charged with first-degree murder and the judge has ordered him held without bond.


Other news in brief:

Man puts gun to wife’s head during fight over laundry soap - That's one way to win an argument I guess?

Man practices tae kwan do on light pole - He reportedly heard light pole say something about his mom.

The Hunger Games Summer Camp is a Terrible Idea - Sure, lets let kids act out their violent fantasies on each other, what could it hurt?

   



 

Only in Florida 8/7/2013

     Unlocked vehicles are one of the favorite targets of thieves. Police receive reports everyday as people return to find their CD's, wallets, iPods, or purses missing. A Niceville woman must have thought that she was going to be one of these unfortunate people after her neighbor reported that he had found her purse in his yard.

     The unnamed woman had left her purse in her husband's unlocked truck the night before. Sometime before dawn, someone entered the vehicle, took out the woman's purse, and nothing else. For reasons known only to themselves, the non-thief scattered the contents of the woman's purse in the bushes of her next door neighbors, and flung the purse in their yard, taking nothing. While that might be considered a bit unusual, what happened next left both the woman and the police scratching their heads.

     When the police arrived that afternoon to pick up an affidavit, the woman produced a silver hand bag that had been left in her garage. So, not only had the purse scatterer not stolen anything, they actually left the woman with more than she started with.

     Police have no suspects in the incident, and the case of the purse-leaver will probably go unsolved. The second purse was taken in as evidence.


Other news in brief:

Man tells woman to hit him; she obliges - Well, he did ask for it.

Central Blotter: Victim has no information to help crack nut case - Yep, that's just what the police need spend their time doing. (sarcasm off)

Woman tells police she'll threaten husband of 71 years if she wants to - Not what it sounds like, and if any one can stay that long with one person, I can't help but think she may be right.

Only in Florida 8/6/2013

       Alcohol can make people to strange inexplicable things. Recently, a Daytona man had a bit to much to drink, and decided to take a very early morning drive. The man, one Leon J. Lovelady of Daytona, however, had to overcome a few hurdles blocking him from his cruse around town.

     First of all, he didn't have a licence. However, the alcohol must have been whispering in Lovelady's ear that he didn't need to worry about such a minor technicality. Ignoring his first problem, Lovelady went about solving his next one. To go on his midnight ride, he actually needed to have a car. Lovelady solved that predicament, when he procured the keys to his visiting sister's Chevy Blazer.

     With everything going swimmingly so far, Lovelady made one last stop before he left. Apparently not content to go out by his self, Lovelady woke up both his four year old and his eight year old nephews to take them along for the ride.

     At some point things took a turn for the worse, which inevitably happens when one goes out drunk driving, and the SUV wound up with it's nose stuck in a water filled ditch. As police approached the vehicle, one of the two siblings could be seen holding an empty vodka bottle. Lovelady, clearly intoxicated, told the officers, “that he had a couple of shots of gin just prior to the crash.”

     While, the two children were unharmed in the accident, they were a little shaken up by all that had happened prior to it. The children told officers, “Uncle Leon was trying to hurt us, driving fast, turning the music up loud, and almost hitting stuff.”

Lovelady racked up a string of charges on his little jaunt. He was charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle, no valid driver's license, driving under the influence and two counts of child abuse.

Other news in brief:

Report: Woman tears up clothes; man responds with cane - Spare the rod, spoil the wife (rolls eyes and shakes head).

Florida Keys Man Calls 911 to Report False Kidnapping After Girlfriend Moves Out -  Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

'I asked her to stop and let me out and she wouldn’t. She kidnapped me' - Yeah, sure she did.

Only in Florida 8/5/2013

     This one falls deep into WTF territory. 

     In the early morning of Saturday, August 3rd, Jose Trinidad Sanches-Uriostegui, 29, drove over a sidewalk and struck a golf cart that was traveling near the road, according to a Florida Highway Patrol incident report. No reason for the crash was given, and both Sanchez-Uriostegui and the driver and passenger of the golf cart had to be treated at area hospitals.

     What started out as a man's car hits golf cart story took a turn for the weird when police received a call from an anonymous caller that claimed that Sanchez-Uriostegui's car had a bomb in it. Taking the threat seriously, officers closed down the nearby road, and called out the bomb squad and the K-9 unit. After a through search of the car, the only thing that was found was a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

     Officers eventually traced the phone that made the 9-1-1 call to Sanchez-Uriostegui's cell. Why he made the call is anyone's guess. Also, apparently not content to face just the bomb threat charge, Sanchez-Uriostegui also faces an assault charge. Sanchez-Uriostegui allegedly punched one of the paramedics that was treating him on the scene.


Other news in brief:

‘Best’ meth cook goes to prison - Well, I guess somebody has to be the best at it.

Police: Amanda Greenwood ties child to urine soaked bed - Mother knows best (facepalm).

Hernando woman crushed by homemade elevator - Just because you can DIY, doesn't mean you should.

Only in Florida 8/1/2013

     We all have times where we lose our tempers. Often when this happens we say or do things that we regret later when fog of anger has lifted. One man, Quinn Patrick Evans, will probably have quite some time to regret the actions he took on July 21st.

      The 24-year Boynton Beach man has been charged with kidnapping after he allegedly held his girlfriend captive for about 11 hours. According to the police report, Evans "just lost it" when he discovered that his live in girlfriend of six months, had cheated on him with another man.

     Furious, Evans reportedly "choked the woman, slammed her against a wall and struck her three times with a bull whip". The police report also states that Evans threw a mirror at the woman, which shattered and proceeded to cut her. He also held a knife to her chest, telling her that she should die for being unfaithful.

     At some point in the 11 hour ordeal, Evans tied the woman up with a "nylon sex strap", holding her hostage in their bedroom. He only released the woman from her restraints so that she could take a shower. Seeing her chance, the woman alerted one of their roommates, only to be dragged out of his bedroom by her hair. The roommate called one of his friends, and they came to the woman's rescue, holding down Evans while the woman made her escape. Evans, angered even more by the roommate and the roommate's friend's interference, confronted the friend outside of his apartment with with a hunting knife. Fortunately the two men were able to restrain Evans again and take the knife from him.

     Both Evans and the woman had to be treated at a local hospital. The woman sustained, "several cuts to her chest, a swollen right eye and other injuries", police said. Evans was also wounded some time during his struggle with the roommate and the roommate's friend, receiving a cut to his hand that required treatment at the same hospital.


Other news in brief:

Man says he'll leave park when they clean the sewage from the water - He just wanted his home cleaned up.

Man says girlfriend hit him so hard he 'spit up blood' - That is not a wake up call you want to have.

Woman accused of leaving girls, 7 and 8, at movies while she went drinking at Blue Martini in CityPlace - Hey, children are rough. Momma needed a drink.

Only in Florida 7/29/2013

     Airports have become some of the most secure places on the planet. If you ever want or need to be placed in police custody quickly, try acting weird or carrying around a suspicious looking package at an airport. With this being the case, it is no wonder that officials at the Opa-locka Executive Airport were concerned when they were informed that an anonymous tip indicated that there was a radioactive 55 gallon drum in one of their maintenance areas.

     After verifying that the tip was true, Police and firefighters sealed off the area and shut down the airport as radiation meters at first indicated that the uranium could be leaking. The drum, which was filled with radioactive and nonradioactive airplane parts, was near a plane that was being disassembled.

     The airport, which did not have the resources to handle such a situation, had to call in the hazardous-response team from Miami International Airport for assistance. After a few hours, the area was declared safe, but neither the fire department, nor the hazmat crew had the resources to dispose of the radioactive material. With no where else to turn, officials called the EPA, and left the clean up and disposal of the materials to the local Department of Environmental Protection. They in turn had to start searching for a contractor who could safely remove and dispose of the material.

     While no one was injured and the site is being cleaned, the question still remains, where did the uranium come from? As it turns out, many older model planes used it to balance the plane while it was flying, as well as for some navigational purposes. Someone took these parts off an older model plane, and then, apparently because the cost to properly dispose of it would have been too high, mixed them in with some other parts. From the article, it appeared that no one wanted to take the blame for what happened, with each person passing the blame down the line. While we may never know exactly who did it, at least the mess is being properly disposed of.


Other news in brief:

Police: Man chokes teen over middle finger - If you flick someone off and they start to follow you, for the love of all that is holy, don't stop!

Man tells lawmen his drinking buddy punched him, breaking his hearing aid - That will show him.

Woman arrested for DUI after police find her asleep behind the wheel in Abacoa - She had her child, her cat, and a partridge in a pear tree in the car with her.

Only in Florida 7/25/2013

      The old phrase, "throw the baby out with the bath water" is obviously meant to be taken figuratively. No one would want to throw their child, right? While most people would see this as common sense, one parent apparently missed the memo.
   
     Ashley Taylor Wright, 23, of Pensacola, was enjoying a day of shopping at the Santa Rosa Mall with her husband and two children. While they were in Dillard's, Wright decided to try and get a bit more for her money and placed two pairs of jeans and a shirt, worth more than 260 dollars, in her baby's stroller.

     The pilfering parent made it all the way to her car before she was stopped by an Okaloosa County sheriff's deputy. As he approached, Wright yelled at her husband to leave, and the officer attempted to get her to exit the vehicle. In response, she grabbed her child's carrier, with the baby inside, and told the deputy, "You will have to shoot through the baby to get me.”

     With no other solution presenting itself, Wright decided that the only way out was to make a run for it. As she did, apparently seeking a distraction, she threw her 14 pound infant at the deputy. Fortunately the child was unharmed. Wright, however, was not so lucky. As she ran from the deputy, she stumbled and fell, which gave him the chance to catch up. In a last ditch effort to escape, Wright tried to fight with the deputy on the ground. However, she lost the battle and was taken into custody. After her capture, the deputy noticed that Wright had suffered a cut on her head which required treatment at a local hospital.

     After being released from the hospital, Wright was charged with petty theft, child abuse without great bodily harm, resisting an officer without violence, and placed on $7,000 bond.


Other news in brief:

Police: Shoplifter's fight over 99-cent chips gets him robbery charge - Mother knows best

Mom angry daughter didn’t want to be baptized with her - Mother: You will get dunked, and you will like it!

Police say barefoot UPS employee tried to hide stolen cellphones in boots - Maybe he wanted to be called the barefoot bandit?

Flagler woman accused of battering boyfriend - She may be small, but she is fierce.

Police: Man shoves woman out of moving minivan after argument over beer on his way to rehab - They tried to make him go to rehab, but he said, "no, no, no".

Only in Florida 7/23/2013

     There are very few places in the United States that allow public nudity. Mostly, these places are either secluded beaches, campgrounds, or resorts. Outside of those areas, people tend to keep their clothes on, unless they are in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and are very intoxicated. Because of this, when an unidentified man decided to take a naked jaunt down the median of the Caloosahatchee Bridge near Fort Myers, he attracted no small amount of attention.

      Early in the morning of July 16th, the Lee County Sheriff's Office started receiving reports of a naked man walking southbound on the Caloosahatchee Bridge. Witnesses on the scene described the man as, "not wearing clothes and waving his hands with raised arms as he walked." When the deputies arrived, wrapped him  apprehended him, the man, with apparently nothing to hide, told the deputies that he had parked his car near the foot of the bridge, and it was rigged with explosives.

     Generally, law enforcement officers tend to not take bomb threats lightly, even if they are given by a naked, arm waving man. To keep everyone safe, the deputies closed off the bridge and called in the bomb squad to disarm the man's car. Using their specialized robots, the bomb techs carefully searched the car from a distance, eventually clearing the car to be approached. The car did have some suspicious items in it, but there was no bomb and the bridge was reopened later in the day.

     Normally, the man who made the threat would be charged and placed in jail. However, in this case, the man was Baker Acted, and was taken to a local mental health facility for evaluation. Most native Floridians know what the Baker Act is, but to those unaware, the Baker Act is a law in Florida where a person can be involuntarily detained for a psychological evaluation if they clearly have a mental illness, or they are a harm to themselves, a harm to others, or they are self neglectful. The act was named for a Florida state representative, Maxine Baker, who was deeply interested in mental health issues.


Other news in brief:

Angry homeowner threatens tree-trimming crew with shotgun - You can take my tree limbs from my cold, dead hands!

Man just out of prison for 1995 murder accused of beating woman to point of unconsciousness in West Palm Beach - Some people just don't learn their lesson.

Police: DeLand man sits on baby's head because child would not fall asleep - ....seriously, WTF. Father of the year material right here.

Man arrested for performing dentistry at his Boca home without license, deputies say - Nothing says professionalism like a laundry room dentists office.

Only in Florida 7/22/2013

     Everyone dreams about doing something out of the ordinary, and Jenna Conti is no exception. The dreams most people have are pretty down to earth, such as getting a novel published, landing a great job, or buying the home they have always wanted. Conti's dream, on the other hand, is a bit out of the ordinary; she wants to be a mermaid. Not a real mermaid mind you, but one of the ladies who put on the mermaid show at the Florida Aquarium. To help her accomplish her goal, Conti purchased a custom made silicon mermaid tail to wear her communities public pool. However, Conti's plan has run into a bit of a snag.

     At first, the staff who ran the pool allowed her to swim with her custom tail. But when she returned for a second dip in the pool, she was told that, because of a rule barring swim fins, she would not be allowed to swim with her tail on. Hoping to be allowed as an exception to the rule, Conti brought forward a request to her home owners association's board, the FishHawk Community Development board. Unfortunately for her, the board voted to maintain the ban on swim fins, and by doing so, banning Conti from the pool while she has on her tail.

     Undeterred, Conti is still mulling over her options. One possible solution would be for her to become a licensed vendor with insurance, selling her time as an attraction at pool parties for children. However, Conti doesn't like the idea of charging fees, especially if the venue would be at the public pool. "To just swim with the kids, it's supposed to be for everybody," she said.


Other news in brief:

Video shows shirtless driver challenging other driver to fight - If you are going to fight someone, make sure they don't have someone with a camera near them.

Witness says man broke broomstick over girlfriend, threw bricks at her - while you have to feel bad for the poor lady who was beaten up, you also have to feel for the neighbor. All he probably wanted was a nice relaxing dip in the pool, not front row tickets to domestic violence theater.

Strip-club mom arrested on child-neglect charges - Since they knew she had 900 dollars on her, I wonder if they deliberately set her bail at 1000 dollars just to force her to stay in jail.

Police: UF linebacker Morrison arrested for barking at K-9 - This is on the edge of "Man bites dog" territory

Naked woman arrested after stepping off Lynx bus - I know it's been hot recently, but surely she could have kept something on.

Woman says boyfriend cut off her clothes with box-cutter - Nothing says I don't like your clothes like forcefully cutting them off you.

Only in Florida 7/18/2013

      If you are pulled over by a police officer, never tell them, "I'm awesome" or ask them to dance.

     Early in the morning of June 22, two deputies from the Indian River County Sheriff's office were responding to a burglary call when they were almost forced off the road by a Mercury Grand Marquis making wide turns and driving erratically. The deputies pulled the car over, and the driver, 44 year old Julie Kay Harper, appeared to be intoxicated. As she responded to officers, her speech seemed slurred, her eyes appeared to be bloodshot and she smelled of alcohol. While those three signs are by themselves pretty good indicators of someone being drunk, the deputies needed to be sure. However, any doubt the deputies had about Harper's insobriety soon vanished after they started to talk her.

     As the officers approached Harper, she was asked show she was doing. Her response was simply, 'I'm awesome." When asked her address, all Harper would say was "53", and that she had only lived there, "A minute"

     One of the officers asked, "For 60 seconds, that's all?"

     "That's it," Harper replied laughingly. According to the arrest report, she then said, "Yeah I know I'm fu--ed." Officers then attempted to give Harper a field sobriety test, but when they flashed a light into her eyes she jokingly asked the officer, "Are we gonna dance?"

Harper was asked if she would walk a straight line, but she gave up after just one attempt. "I can't. My fat. My legs are fat," she said. Harper later added "It's not gonna happen. Just fu--ing take me to jail."

The officers granted her request, and Harper was charged with a DUI, driving an unregistered car and driving with a suspended license.


Other news in brief:

Neighbor: Man begged forgiveness when caught having sex with pool raft - I wonder if Oops I did it again is his favorite song

Deputy sheriff applicant arrested for lewd and lascivious - He wanted experience with the justice system. Be careful what you wish for.

Pinellas Park wife, Sharon Tillman, arrested for letting disabled husband rot in bed - Love hurts I guess?

Only in Florida 7/17/2013

     Facebook has become one of the major ways that people communicate these days. Because so many people go to the social media website, some police departments have started posting information about criminals that they are searching for, hoping to obtain information that will lead to their capture. However, doing so has lead to some unintended interactions between the fugitives and the police searching for them. Few of these fugitive's seem to have learned the truth behind the old adage, "silence is golden"

     Matthew Oliver, 23, was the Pasco county sheriff's "Fugitive of the Day" on Wednesday, July 10th. Oliver, after seeing his picture on the site, began angrily commenting on it. "You guys are going to pay for A. Believing a crack head. and B. Slandering my name," Oliver wrote. "I already heard about this whole thing and I was in the hospital the day of." A few minutes after the above post Oliver stated that, "I get out of the hospital for 2 months and I have to come back to this sh**. I swear on everything I own Pasco County WILL be held responsible for this."

     Oliver apparently thought that if he threatened or yelled enough, that would scare the officer's off his trail. Over the course of the next two days, Oliver left more comments on the post. The sheriff's office, however, was undeterred by Oliver's numerous attempts to dissuade their pursuit. No matter the motivations behind his posts, all Oliver was really doing was blazing a trail for the police to follow right to him. Several of Oliver's Facebook friends saw the commotion he was raising, and messaged the sheriff's office with tips to where he was located. Oliver was arrested at a relative's house Friday afternoon.

     Let this be a lesson to any criminals out there. First of all, don't commit the crime in the first place, it's not worth it no matter how much it seems like it is. Secondly, if you did do the crime and are now in hiding, don't post of Facebook, unless you really want to get caught. Lastly, if you ignored the first two, for the love of all this is holy don't threaten the police. It will only make things worse for you and you'll be a laughing stock for the news.


Other news in brief:

Woman's pet snake gets stuck in car tail light - One question: Why do you let a Boa Constrictor loose in your car in the first place?

Woman accused of drunk dialing 911 twenty times - Instead of the freedom she wanted, all this lady got was some time in jail.

Police: Man attacked teen and pregnant woman with shovel over $25 - All he needs to do is refine his tactics a bit and this man could work for a credit card company.

Police: Arrested man called 911, asked for a new officer - "No, no, this officer is being way too mean."

Man confuses addresses and chokes the wrong person - Protip: Always double check the address when you are going to commit physical violence

Only in Florida 7/16/2013

     America is a fast food nation. Even if you go to the absolute middle of nowhere, you are only 115 miles away from a McDonald's. While having a relatively cheap and abundant place to eat has both it pluses and minuses, one of those definitely in the minus column is that you are not guaranteed that the food will be great every time.Fast food has that name for a reason, and sometimes quality is forced to the wayside for quantity. When this happens, there is little that can be done, especially if you have left the restaurant. One of the things you can't do, however, is to stage a one person sit-in in the drive through demanding free food to make up for it.

     Thirty-four year old Kimberly Womack learned this lesson the hard way last week after she had a few too many and drove up to the drive thorough of a New Port Richey, Florida McDonald's at 6 o'clock in the morning. When she arrived, Womack demanded two free BigMacs, because she was unsatisfied with the ones she got when she was there previously. When the employees told her that they couldn't do that because they were only serving breakfast, Womack demanded that they give her two free Egg McMuffins instead.

     Told to leave, Womack decided to stand, or rather sit, her ground. Police arrived, and Womack told the officers that her rights were being violated because the restaurant wouldn't give her a free breakfast. While the officers were talking to her, she allegedly told them she thought it was only 4 A.M. and she had taken a Klonopin. The officers could smell alcohol on her, and when she failed a field sobriety test, Womack was arrested for DUI. She had a BAC of .108. No word was given on when she finally got something to eat.


Other news in brief:

We have a trio of bad parent stories:

Former Florida Gators linebacker Monty Grow arrested for leaving 3-year-old in car while at strip club

South Florida Sisters Gambled in Casino While Kids Sat in Running Car: Authorities

Florida Woman Leaves Kids In Car While She Attended Lil Wayne Concert

This is wrong on so many levels. Several children die every year here in Florida because they are left in cars in the summer heat. According to Florida law, you can leave children under six unattended in car for up to 15 minutes. However, you should never do this if it would place the child in danger or at risk, such as in full sun in the middle of summer with the windows rolled up. Leaving them in the car to run into a convenience store for a minute is ok, but depending on the weather, you better be quick about it. Also, if your child accidentally gets locked in the car, call the nearest police department. They will come, free of charge, and unlock the door for you.

Anyway, on a more humorous note:

Report: Woman being released pokes cop in eye - So close, yet so far

Lady Lake police: Couple steals steaks, speeds off in dirty golf cart - I have heard of lots of different getaway vehicles, but this is the first time I've ever heard of a dirty golf cart being used.

Only in Florida 7/15/2013

     Robert Vernon learned the hard way that one likes a braggart, especially a braggart who doesn't like to share. Vernon, a homeless man that goes by the street name of "Dingo", made two discoveries that wound up costing him his freedom. The first was that he could enter the Daytona Cubs ball park when it was closed by sliding through a spot between a gate and a wall. The second discovery was that even though the park might be shut down, not all of the beer taps were.

     Vernon was able to make three beer runs before he was caught, but know one knows exactly how much beer he got away with. On his earlier runs, he made the mistake of not sharing his bounty with the other homeless in the area. Angry that Vernon wouldn't share, some of the other homeless people in the area reported him to policewoman Sarah Martin to get back at him. Vernon managed to elude officer Martin until one of the parks employees spotted him early one Sunday morning.

     Alerted to his presence by the employees, Martin followed Vernon to a local park where she found him sitting at a table under a pavilion with the jug of beer beside him. “The day I arrested him he was sitting by the river drinking beer from a milk jug,” Martin said. While he may have not been smart enough not steal the beer, Vernon was at least smart enough to know when he was caught. “He confessed to me,” Martin said. “He said he had been there three times.” When asked what brand he was drinking, Vernon replied, “Whichever tap I could find open and on.”

     Vernon was unable to enjoy the last of his ill gotten gains, as officer Martin seized the jug of beer as evidence and arrested him. Vernon was charged with unarmed burglary and petty theft.


Other news in brief:

Ferna Quesner accused of cutting her mother's eyes out, Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office says - .... ok, this one is just messed up. Not sure you can get much more WTF than this.

Deputies: Couple charged after toddler left home alone - Sometimes, you just need to make a Wal-Mart run. Besides, that motorcycle didn't have a car seat. (facepalm)

Deputies Arrest 'Joker,' Accuse Him of Vandalizing Patrol Car, Another Residence - No mention of the arresting officer's last name, but I really hope it was Wayne.

Only in Florida 7/12/2013

     They old saying is that fortune favors the bold. While that may be true in some cases, I don't think fortune is going to favor you when you try and steal a 9 foot 600 pound purple aluminum chicken statue from a man's roadside stand. At 6 A.M. on the morning of July 2, three young men backed up their truck to the chicken, latched  on to it, and started to pull it down the road.

     Since it is almost impossible to pull off something like this quietly, the owner heard the commotion as they drove of with his chicken behind them. He ran outside, only to see one of the young men riding the chicken as it was being dragged down the road. Fortunately for the statue's owner, the thieves didn't make it very far, as the young men unhooked and abandoned the statue after only dragging it a mile. Unfortunately, however, the statue did not escape unscathed. It did suffer some major damage, especially to the side of it that was dragged on the ground.

     It took the police only a day to track down the purloiners of the purple poultry. Darrin Luke Edwards, 19, was charged with grand theft and violation of probation. Tyler Lee Jones, 21, and James Joseph Smith, 18, were charged with grand theft. Hopefully these men will think twice about something like this after they serve their time in the coop.

Other news in brief:

Police: Woman lights boyfriend's clothing ablaze - If you have a fight with your significant other, make sure there are no matches near your clothes

Male flirt poses as woman on chat site to entice and rob men, police say - when dealing with others online remember, trust but verify.

Claws come out over wine-pouring - When try to have an intervention, make sure you have backup.

Only in Florida 7/10/2013

     If you are reading this from Florida, you may be breaking the law. Recently the governor of Florida signed a bill into law aimed at shutting down so called internet cafes. The term internet cafe here is a bit of a misnomer, and a a better description of what they really were is a small time casino. The proponents of the new law hoped it would make these gaming machines illegal, which it does do. However, due to the way these machines are defined in the law, lawmakers may have inadvertently banned anything capable of accessing the internet.

     The bill basically defines "any machine or device by which someone can play a game of chance" as a slot machine. While online gambling has been banned in the US for quite some time, those who are determined enough can find offshore sites that they can connect to over the net from the comfort of their own homes. And since you can do this on your home PC, possibly even on your smart phone, your computer or phone could technically be called a slot machine, which would make it illegal in the state of Florida.

     While the bill was signed into law, this doesn't mean the matter is settled. A company that owned several of these establishments is fighting back and has filed suit hoping in the very least to get some clarification on the law. Hopefully some clarification will be provided, but with this being Florida, who knows when or if that will happen. Plus even if the definition is changed, chances are your TV remote could be the next thing they accidentally outlaw.

Other news in brief:

 Cops: Gun-toting HOA officer threatened residents watching fireworks - Well, it looks like they took away Barney's guns

Man uses homosexual, racial epithets against cops - Come on, tell us how you really feel

Only in Florida 7/8/2013

    This one lands clearly in the WTF column. 39 year old Kimberly Clark Kiernan took things a bit too far when she hosted a party for her 16 year old son. Kiernan's party raised such a ruckus, that neighbors, fearing for the safety of her seven year old son, called the police. When the officers arrived, Kiernan, who was so intoxicated that she couldn't stand on her own, first told the police that her younger son wasn't at home.
     When the officers wanted to come in and verify her claim, Kiernan backed into her hall, shut the door on the officers, and proceeded to barricade the door. The officers called for backup from Riviera Beach Police Department, which sent eight officers over to help. Eventually, the officers broke their way into the apartment, and located the younger son locked in a room by himself. The boy told officers, "Mommy locked me in the bathroom".
     When the officers managed to round everyone up, a total of 26 teenagers, most 14 to 15 years old, were removed from the apartment. Searching the apartment, the officers found two 50 gallon trash bags filled with alcohol and empty bottles. In the bathroom, they saved a 16 year old girl that was passed out, and choking on her own vomit. Kiernan was eventually located under a huge mound of clothes in her bedroom. Kiernan was charged with 26 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, child abuse and giving false information to a police officer.
   

Other news in brief:

Florida misspelled twice on interstate sign - What amazes me is that the sign was made, transported to the site and installed before anyone noticed.

Yikes! Gator attacked woman's kayak - Gators 1, kayaks 0

Deputies: Deltona man bites grandma in argument over wine - I understand being mad enough to hit someone, but being mad enough to bite...yikes.

Only in Florida 7/3/2013

     Our first story today comes from Gainesville where 33 year old Birnard Larkin Jr.was arrested for trying

to murder his cousin. What drove Larkin into a homicidal rage? He was not invited to a birthday party at his aunt's house for some one and two year old children in the neighborhood. The reason he was snubbed? His aunt knew that there was already a warrant out for his arrest, and she didn't want to risk having the police show up in the middle of the party.
     While this sounds reasonable enough, Larkin was incensed. Upon hearing this, he proceeded to curse profusely and threaten the life of his aunt's son. Also, he asked to have some of the food from the party brought to him. Clearly, Larkin is a master of persuasion, as after his curses and threats, his aunt allowed her son to take him a plate of food.
     As the man arrived at Larkin's house, food in hand, Larkin pushed him off his bike, cursed at him and fired two shots, which fortunately missed, at his head. The cousin fled, but apparently not far enough, as Larkin caught up to him, shooting, and missing, him twice more.
     Eventually, the police caught up to him, and he was booked and charged with attempted first-degree murder and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. Oh, and that warrant that had been out for his arrest? It was for domestic battery on a pregnant woman for attacking his sister who was six months pregnant. Now who wouldn't want this guy at a birthday party for kids.

Other news in brief:

Ybor City post office reopens after suspicious package found to contain eucalyptus oil - At least they discovered what it was instead of just blowing it up, which seems to be normal procedure these days.

Infuriated man kicks out patrol car window after arrest, deputies say - This man never skipped leg day at the gym.

GPD: Man kidnaps woman, threatens woman and child over debt - Why pay debt collectors when you can do it yourself.

2 women arrested after getting drunk in Wal-Mart - Ain't no party like a Wal-Mart pary.

Kangaroo leads Florida deputies on 10-hour chase - First pythons, now kangroos, what's next?

Teen hit by celebratory gunfire in Florida after NBA Finals - I'm so happy, I just have to shoot the sky!

Only in Florida 7/2/2013

Due to there being so much weird, wacky and WTF news from Florida, I've decided to make a change to how the blog is done. Instead of making a post for every story I find, I've decided that a more concise approach would be best. Going forward, I will have a single post recapping all the wackiness that is Florida. Now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post.

     Our first story comes from West Palm Beach where Roosevelt Mondesir, 53, was convicted of trying to

heat up his relationship with his girlfriend. Now, normally this trying to rekindle that old spark isn't a criminal offence, however when you try to use gasoline to do it, that is where the law draws a strict line in the sand. The icing on the cake of this story is defense attorney Thomas Weiss remark, “It’s the proverbial schoolboy getting the girl’s attention by pulling her pigtails. Very obviously we’re far from schoolyards and pig tails here, but it’s the same principal of trying to get that attention by any means,”. Fortunately, his girlfriend survived the horrific, attention seeking , encounter and is on the road to recovery.

     Our next story comes from Plantation Key, where Cole Alan Peacock tried to resist arrest on charges of

Fraud and Grand Theft. When police arrived to arrest him, Peacock decided that he wouldn't go down without a fight and pulled what turned out to be an EpiPen, a medical device used to help those with severe allergic reactions, and tried to use it as a weapon. Strangely, Peacock decided that maybe the officers weren't the best targets of his improvised weapon, apparently deciding that if he couldn't use it on the officers he would use it on himself. After being ordered to drop the EpiPen, Peacock turned it on himself, and stabbed himself in the neck. Eventually the officers managed to take him into custody, and he suffered no ill effects to the injection.

     Our last story comes from Fort Lauderdale where police are looking for four female robbers. These so

called "foxy thieves", have been working in pairs, hanging around high class bars, flirting with middle aged or older men who appear to be on the higher end of the income spectrum. Once the men have been seduced enough to take the women back to his place, one of the pair "distracts" the target, while the other makes him a drink laced with a knock out drug. Once the man has passed out, the ladies proceed to clean out the man's home, taking cash, jewelry, watches, and other valuables. So far only four men have come forward, but the police believe that more victims are out there, but they are too embarrassed to come forward.

Other stories in brief:

Homeless man after Starbucks tip jar climbs into drive-through window - threatens employees with chair, won't leave without his flip flops

Officials urge caution when fireworks are part of the celebration - Exploding fireworks are forbidden by law except if its used for agricultural purposes, officials said. In other news, the number of farmers explodes around New Years and the Fourth of July. ;)

About 200 cats seized from home - Couple tries to run no kill cat shelter out of their home, ends up being charged with animal cruelty

Who's that knocking at the door? An angry ex - Woman kicks in ex boyfriend's door, strikes him in the face.  She-Hulk smash!

Boynton cop accuses woman of kicking him in buttocks - She's here to drink gin and kick butt, and she's all out of gin.

Woman caught driving drunk - Woman was driving drunk the wrong way on the interstate. Did I mention that she was underage and had no pants on?

Intoxicated man goes on rampage after being denied fish soup - Not much I can add to that. 

Slice and dice

Marianna man armed with sword arrested after allegedly attacking mother, girlfriend

By News Herald staff report

Published: Wednesday, June 26, 2013 at 16:12 PM.

MARIANNA - A Marianna man was armed with a Samurai sword, according to authorities, when he was arrested Tuesday after allegedly attacking his mother and his girlfriend.

Jackson County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a home in the 5000 block of Hundred Acre Drive, where they found the man’s mother and his girlfriend had been injured in a domestic incident that turned physical. The man’s mother told deputies that her son pushed her down, and his girlfriend told deputies that he choked her and threw her to the floor, according to the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office.

The man had fled the home, where he lives with his mother, before deputies arrived.

Read the rest here.

They call him the Flash

Report: Man follows woman around store, exposes himself to her

By STAFF REPORTS / Daily News

Published: Wednesday, June 26, 2013 at 15:09 PM.

NICEVILLE – A man was arrested after he allegedly followed a woman around a discount store and when she looked at him, pulled down the front of his pants.

According to a Niceville Police Department arrest report, on June 22 the woman and her mother went to Walmart to shop. She said while she was in the store, she noticed a man following her.

She and her mother went to the women’s clothing department, and the man followed her there. She said she noticed him standing across from her, looking at socks. He looked up at her, then pulled down the front of his pants and pulled out his genitals.

Read the rest here.