9/30/2013 - "Good food," guns, and armed kids!

     Jim Croce advises us in his classic song You don't mess around with Jim that we shouldn't, "tug on Superman's cape" or "pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger". These two are classic examples of actions no sane person should undertake. After the events of last Thursday, however, maybe we should add a verse to that song that includes not eating Anthony Smalls's "good food".

     Apparently, all Anthony G. Smalls, 54, of Gainesville, wanted to do was have something good to eat. However, sometime before 9:20PM on the night of the 26th, Smalls opened up his pantry, only to find it, if not bare, at least missing a few items. Going up to his 21 year old son's room, Smalls began to yell at his son for eating his food.

     There are no details on exactly how long the argument between father and son lasted, but at some point Smalls left the room, only to return with a 6 inch kitchen knife. According to the police, Smalls then proceeded to threaten his son, saying that he would stab the young man if he ate, "anymore of his good food,". The argument between the two men must have continued on for some time, as the Alachua County Sheriff's Office arrived at the house just before midnight and arrested Smalls.

     This isn't Smalls' first run in with the law. Smalls has a somewhat substantial criminal  record, including counts of battery and petty theft. Smalls was booked into the Alachua County jail, under a $5,000 bond.


Other news in brief:

Boy, 9, brings gun, bullets, knife to Elementary School - Maybe they should add  a verse about this kid as well.

Pot smoking man shoots self in abdomen at Callaway McDonalds - "Yeah, this thing is cocked and ready to go, I bet I can uncock it and put it in my waist band all at the same time." (facepalm)

Nephew wants TV; uncle doesn't want him to have it; nephew reacts badly - No one gets between this man and his shows. I mean, Downton Abbey isn't going to watch itself.

9/25/2013 - Bad Grandmas, wanna be Samurai, unusual storage locations and more!

     Grandmothers are stereotypically nice to their grandchildren.  However, Bill Cosby once told his children that they shouldn't be fooled by their grandmother's niceness. According to him, his mother was only acting nice now, because she was simply an old person who was trying to get into heaven. One grandmother took her efforts to be nice to her grandchild a bit to far recently when she allegedly threatened one of the witnesses that saw her grandson shoot another man.

    According a witness, the 31 year old grandson of Winter Haven woman Deborah Mobley Thompson, Kelvin Lewis Key-Herrington, shot someone on the morning of September 21st, fleeing the scene before officers arrived. Thompson then allegedly approached the witness shortly after the incident and threatened to assault him if her grandson was identified as the shooter.

     While the grandson is still at large, police arrested Thompson and charged her with obstruction of justice and tampering in a felony capital proceeding. She was booked into the Polk County Jail, where she is held without bond.


Other news in brief:

Man arrested after brandishing Samurai sword admits 'acting stupid' - To quote my wife, "What's with all the wanna be samurai's around here?"

Shooting halts vigil for shooting victim - I couldn't help but laugh at this for a second and then feel bad for laughing and sad for all those involved.

Woman has 'crack pipe' hidden in strange place - I'll let you guess where it was.

Only in Florida 9/23/2013

     No one knows for sure what kind of legacy they will have after they are gone. Millions have been spent by those who either want to whitewash the actions of the past, or to try to make up for ones that were never done. One Green Cove Springs man left an unexpected legacy that was uncovered only yesterday.

     The property of the unnamed man had fallen into foreclosure after his death, and whoever now owned the land was trying to clean it up, presumably in an effort to sell it. However, work stopped not long after cleaners opened a semi truck trailor that had been converted into a shed. While they sifted through the contents, the cleaners came across what appeared to be some relatively ancient looking explosives and some explosive devices
   
     Police seized the explosives, and started asking the neighbors if they knew anything about the former owner of the property. All that could be gathered from neighbors was that the man had been deceased for quite some time, and before his death, the former owner liked to peruse local army surplus shops. In the trailer, officers found construction explosives they estimated to be about 50 years old, as well as some rocket powered line throwers from World War II. These devices were used to pass lines between boats or across gaps to big to get across any other way.


Other news in brief:

Florida woman on meth decapitated rabbit as horrified children watched - They say there is nothing like a mothers love... (roll eyes)

One-armed homeless man accused of pawning chainsaw - It was the one armed man, I swear!

Woman accused of car incident, hiding cocaine in her privates - Well, she had to store it somewhere.

   

Only in Florida 9/12/2013

     Chances are, at some point in your life, your family has driven you almost crazy over something. It could have been due to almost anything, politics, religion, sports or even which nightly news program to watch. However, no matter how bad it gets, you should never do like Wendel Gene Seaman is alleged to have done and attach the offending member of your family with a machete.

     Responding to a call they received on Sunday, September 7th, officers with the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office found Lloyd Seaman, father of Wendel Gene Seaman, with a cut across the back of his neck. Interviewing the father, officers determined that while he was looking inside his refrigerator the younger Seaman attacked his father from behind with a machete, slicing him across the back of his neck. Seaman then allegedly tried to tie up his father with duck tape. However, the father managed to escape and ran outside. The the younger Seaman still had the machete and was threatening to kill his father before he was stopped by his uncle.

     Before he could be questioned by local officers, the younger Seaman ran back into the house, grabbed a rifle and fled the scene. However, seaman was apprehended by the Highway Patrol the next day outside of Monticello in Jefferson county. Seaman faces charges of attempted felony murder, grand theft motor vehicle and grand theft firearm.


Other news in brief:

Request leads brothers to engage in 'mutual combat' - At least it wasn't mortal combat.

Man robbed same bank 3 times, Apopka police say - Third time's the charm I guess?

Crestview man hisses at girls, exposes himself - Again, the old saying holds true, cocaine is a heck of a drug.

Only in Florida 9/9/2013

     Rat infestations have been a problem for mankind for almost as long as we can remember. From acting as a carrier for the black plague, to swarming in like a flood to destroy crops, or just eating holes in everything around our homes, rats have caused problems all over the world. With all this in mind, being trapped in a rat infested jail is one of the worst things I can think of.

     Rat problems in the Miami-Dade County Jail have taken a turn for the worse recently. While the older building has always had issues, things came to a head when inmate Everette Slocum reported to the jail medical staff that he had been bitten by one of the rats while he slept. A rat biting a person is usually not that huge a deal  these days. However, the location of Slocum's bite is. As he slept, a rat crept up onto Slocum's cot, and proceeded to bite him in his testicles. “Blood was everywhere,” Slocum wrote in a complaint to the jailers. “I don’t feel right sleeping in this jail no more,” he continued. “Because it’s rats everywhere and no one is doing nothing to help.”

     Fortunately Slocum made a full recovery, but the rat infestation isn't the only issue with the jail. Several inmates have recently died when they fell ill in the jail. The Department of Justice found that conditions at several of the county’s jails pose a serious health risk to those they keep incarcerated. Management at those jails have vowed to improve, at least while they are under the watchful eye of federal overseers.


More news in brief:

Drunk man tried to get in truck, left takeout on floorboards - At least he left the owners some thing for their trouble?

Police say man threw fan at teen for not looking enough like him - Got to love family.

Naked man collapses, dies in neighborhood rampage - Ahh, good old cocaine, what a drug.