Only in Florida minute for April 21st, 2014

Woman drove wrong way, ignored police warnings, report says

     Someone driving the wrong way isn't too unusual unfortunately. However, someone turning themselves in and then being upset at what follows, is. At least she save the police and taxpayers the time and expense of tracking her down.

Man passed out at intersection for half-hour arrested for DUI

     Alcohol induced nap attacks almost never happen at a good time. You have to hope no one got stuck behind him. The only thing worse than a long red light, is a long turn signal from the car in front. 

Man in bar lets off fire extinguisher; $1,400 in liquor ruined

     No fog machine for your party? This man has the answer.

Man found wandering amid wreck he wasn't involved in

     Rubbernecking on drugs, not even once.

Lastly, the headline of the day: Deputies: Man smothered crying son over video game

     Parent of the year material here. Seeing headlines like this make me wish there was some sort of qualification exam or screening process you had to go through to become a parent. I understand how crazy it can be being a parent, I have a daughter of my own, but there is no excuse for things like this.

9/30/2013 - "Good food," guns, and armed kids!

     Jim Croce advises us in his classic song You don't mess around with Jim that we shouldn't, "tug on Superman's cape" or "pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger". These two are classic examples of actions no sane person should undertake. After the events of last Thursday, however, maybe we should add a verse to that song that includes not eating Anthony Smalls's "good food".

     Apparently, all Anthony G. Smalls, 54, of Gainesville, wanted to do was have something good to eat. However, sometime before 9:20PM on the night of the 26th, Smalls opened up his pantry, only to find it, if not bare, at least missing a few items. Going up to his 21 year old son's room, Smalls began to yell at his son for eating his food.

     There are no details on exactly how long the argument between father and son lasted, but at some point Smalls left the room, only to return with a 6 inch kitchen knife. According to the police, Smalls then proceeded to threaten his son, saying that he would stab the young man if he ate, "anymore of his good food,". The argument between the two men must have continued on for some time, as the Alachua County Sheriff's Office arrived at the house just before midnight and arrested Smalls.

     This isn't Smalls' first run in with the law. Smalls has a somewhat substantial criminal  record, including counts of battery and petty theft. Smalls was booked into the Alachua County jail, under a $5,000 bond.


Other news in brief:

Boy, 9, brings gun, bullets, knife to Elementary School - Maybe they should add  a verse about this kid as well.

Pot smoking man shoots self in abdomen at Callaway McDonalds - "Yeah, this thing is cocked and ready to go, I bet I can uncock it and put it in my waist band all at the same time." (facepalm)

Nephew wants TV; uncle doesn't want him to have it; nephew reacts badly - No one gets between this man and his shows. I mean, Downton Abbey isn't going to watch itself.

9/25/2013 - Bad Grandmas, wanna be Samurai, unusual storage locations and more!

     Grandmothers are stereotypically nice to their grandchildren.  However, Bill Cosby once told his children that they shouldn't be fooled by their grandmother's niceness. According to him, his mother was only acting nice now, because she was simply an old person who was trying to get into heaven. One grandmother took her efforts to be nice to her grandchild a bit to far recently when she allegedly threatened one of the witnesses that saw her grandson shoot another man.

    According a witness, the 31 year old grandson of Winter Haven woman Deborah Mobley Thompson, Kelvin Lewis Key-Herrington, shot someone on the morning of September 21st, fleeing the scene before officers arrived. Thompson then allegedly approached the witness shortly after the incident and threatened to assault him if her grandson was identified as the shooter.

     While the grandson is still at large, police arrested Thompson and charged her with obstruction of justice and tampering in a felony capital proceeding. She was booked into the Polk County Jail, where she is held without bond.


Other news in brief:

Man arrested after brandishing Samurai sword admits 'acting stupid' - To quote my wife, "What's with all the wanna be samurai's around here?"

Shooting halts vigil for shooting victim - I couldn't help but laugh at this for a second and then feel bad for laughing and sad for all those involved.

Woman has 'crack pipe' hidden in strange place - I'll let you guess where it was.

Only in Florida 9/23/2013

     No one knows for sure what kind of legacy they will have after they are gone. Millions have been spent by those who either want to whitewash the actions of the past, or to try to make up for ones that were never done. One Green Cove Springs man left an unexpected legacy that was uncovered only yesterday.

     The property of the unnamed man had fallen into foreclosure after his death, and whoever now owned the land was trying to clean it up, presumably in an effort to sell it. However, work stopped not long after cleaners opened a semi truck trailor that had been converted into a shed. While they sifted through the contents, the cleaners came across what appeared to be some relatively ancient looking explosives and some explosive devices
   
     Police seized the explosives, and started asking the neighbors if they knew anything about the former owner of the property. All that could be gathered from neighbors was that the man had been deceased for quite some time, and before his death, the former owner liked to peruse local army surplus shops. In the trailer, officers found construction explosives they estimated to be about 50 years old, as well as some rocket powered line throwers from World War II. These devices were used to pass lines between boats or across gaps to big to get across any other way.


Other news in brief:

Florida woman on meth decapitated rabbit as horrified children watched - They say there is nothing like a mothers love... (roll eyes)

One-armed homeless man accused of pawning chainsaw - It was the one armed man, I swear!

Woman accused of car incident, hiding cocaine in her privates - Well, she had to store it somewhere.